The ugly point of Christopher Columbus (CC) has reared its ugly head again...largely because I reached down and pulled it up from its cold dead grave. I have a tendency to do that and I should write a book about it but many a worthy scholar has already done so. Saves me the effort and gives me the ammo to bitch about him freely. I am not nor do I harbor any fantasy about being a CC expert but I learned enough to know that the happy little picture that was fed to me as a child is almost pure fiction.
A little background on how I came to dislike CC. While stationed in the greater DC area, the school system my wife worked for and our children attended granted a holiday for Columbus Day but not Veterans’ Day. Coming from a family with a long line of service dating back to the revolution this disturbed me greatly so I started to do some digging and learned a bit more about CC than the school system had taught me.
Below are some small bits of the truth about CC that led me to despise our national holiday and would happily vote to remove it from our calendars and provide a more accurate teaching about European expeditions into the Americas. We can find many other reasons or people worth celebrating with a holiday.
An entry from one the surviving journals of CC's voyage states the reason behind his voyage and sets the stage for another Spanish conquering of a native people. (Mind you, other European countries weren’t much better, but the Spanish had a certain flair....just ask the Aztec. Oh wait, you can’t...THEY ARE ALL DEAD) Upon CC setting foot upon the island “before them all, he took possession of the island, as in fact he did, for the King and Queen, his Sovereigns.1” Cortez said something similar when he headed into what is now Mexico.
CC’s entry in reference to the Arawak, who inhabited most of the Caribbean islands, on October 13, 1492 had an even more ominous tones with its last sentence. “I could conquer the whole of them with fifty men and govern them as I pleased.2”
CC returned to Spain with examples of what he had found; parrots, gold trinkets, exotica and the highlight---10-25 of the Arawak.3 Do you think he ask for volunteers? (Numbers are a bit vague because only eight made it to Spain alive)
Izzy and Fergy were impressed and they gave CC seventeen new ships, 1200-1500 men, cavalry, cannons, crossbows and attack dogs.3 The dogs may have been the Spanish Mastiff, a huge beast which can reach up to 36” in height and weight 265lbs. Whip and beat them, starve them for a few days then turn them lose on the local populace. Not fiction, but a very common tactic back in the day.
CC returned in 1493 and made demands of goods and gold from the locals, to include their women. When they didn’t comply a villager was selected, disfigured by cutting off ears, nose or fingers, then sent back to their people as an example. The locals weren’t war-like people and they tried passive resistance but the Spaniards were a stubborn lot and just kept whacking off appendages. After a time (around 1495) the locals attempted to rise up in rebellion but they had sticks and stones (literally) and CC and the Spaniards had armor, guns, cavalry, cannons, and don’t forget the big fluffy doggies.3
This attempt to stand up gave CC an excuse to “whoop up on” the locals and get his way and on 24 March 1495 he commenced to “whooping” on the Arawaks. As described by Las Casas “Since the Admiral perceived that daily the people of the land were taking up arms, ridiculous weapons in reality...he hastened to proceed to the country and disperse and subdue, by force of arms, the people of the entire island ...For this he chose 200 foot soldiers and 20 calvary, with many crossbows and small cannon, lances, and swords, and still more terrible weapon against the Indians, in addition to the horses: this was 20 hunting dogs, who were turned loose and immediately tore the Indians apart.4” and quoting CC’s son (Ferdinand) from the biography he wrote about his father, “The soldiers mowed down dozens with point-blank volleys, loosed the dogs to rip open limbs and bellies, chased fleeing Indians into the bush to skewer them on sword and pike, and ‘with God’s aid soon gained a complete victory, killing Indians and capturing others who were also killed.4’”
In 1496 he wrote to Izzy and Fergy “In the name of the Holy Trinity, we can send from here all the slaves and brazil-wood which could be sold.” and his view on the Indians death rate “Although they die now, they will not always die. The Negroes and Canary Islanders died at first.4”
The atrocities continued unabated with CC and when he left finally for Spain, his brother Bartholomew took a census in 1496 there were an estimated 1.5 - 3 million Arawak (down from an estimate of over 8 million in 1492). Today there is only an estimated 5,000 Arawak decedents left mostly in South America where they probably escaped from the bloodshed and sickness.
1) The Journal of Christopher Columbus, translated by Cecil Jane (New York: Bonanza, 1989)
2) The Log of Christopher Columbus’s First Voyage to America in the Year 1492, as copied out in brief by Las Casas (Hamden, CT: Linnet, 1989)
3) The Conquest of Paradise: Christopher Columbus and the Columbian Legacy, Kirkpatrick Sale (New York: Plume, 1991)
4) The Conquest of Eden, 1493-1515, Michael Paiewonsky (Chicago: Academy 1991)
Props are given to Lies My Teachers Told Me, James W. Lowen (New York: Touchstone, 1995) for parting the curtains and letting me peak at the truth.
Feb 15, 2010
O! Canada - EH!
A Canadian buddy of mine sent this to me. He is basking in the winter warmth of central Texas, well...it's warm compared to British Columbia.
Now that Vancouver is hosting the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions people from all over the world are asking.
Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked!
Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (England)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.
Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Norway)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada ? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada ? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax ? (England)
A: No, but you'd better bring a few extra furs for trading purposes.
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary -- Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Canada ? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ? (England)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and Calgary, straight after the hippo races -- Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in Canada ? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada ? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada ? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
Now that Vancouver is hosting the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions people from all over the world are asking.
Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked!
Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (England)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.
Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Norway)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada ? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada ? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax ? (England)
A: No, but you'd better bring a few extra furs for trading purposes.
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary -- Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Canada ? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ? (England)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and Calgary, straight after the hippo races -- Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in Canada ? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada ? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada ? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
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